No. 123 - May 2007 to April 2008

The questions on my mind are all for You.
"...Down the nights and down the days,"¹
I spent these three weeks on my own
Caught in the misery failure brings.
So give me the words!
So give me more than a clever rhyme tonight --
(I've been turning away for so long...)
More divine providence inside these lines...
And I've never needed You more.

Were it not for Your heart
That I have barely ever known...
I'd be lost without You, standing here on my own.
Were it not for Your love
That I will never understand...
You would never take my heart and mold it in Your hands.

God, You know I'm shouldering my
Crosses and I'm trying to follow You.
But my eyes are darkness too;
I hate Your light for exposing my half-truths.
But You're the difference, Lord,
'cause we've never had anything we could call magical.²
So save me too,
'cause I have never had anything I could call life on my own.
...So Lord, don't leave me alone!

Were it not for Your heart
That I have barely ever known...
I'd be lost without You, standing here on my own.
Were it not for Your love
That I will never understand...
You would never take my heart and mold it in Your hands.

(Spoken:)
Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us no one can recount to you;
were [we] to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but [our] ears you have pierced.
Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect [us].³

I do not seek to understand so that I may believe.
"My hope is built on nothing else than Jesus's blood and righteousness."
But now I'm trying to believe that I may understand
Your beauty, Lord, and take the most miniscule portion thereof...
That I might love you back.⁴

Were it not for your heart
That I have barely ever known...
I'd be lost without you, standing here on my own.
Were it not for your love
That I will never understand...
You would never take my heart and mold it in your hands.

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^{1 - From "The Hound of Heaven," I think.}

^{2 - A quote from Boston Legal character Edwin Poole in a deleted scene from the pilot, though he was talking about a girl at the time.}

^{3 - Psalm 40:4-6a, 11 in the NIV.}

^{4 - Ideas in the bridge are liberally taken from #123 in The Worshiping Church Hymnal, penned by St. Anselm. (Yes, that's where the title comes from.)}